House Rules
by entity9silvergen
Summary: Ava makes the mistake of giving Rory a list of things he cannot do on the Waverider. Now the Legends are taking out their frustrations of living together by making house rules. (Early Season 4) [Disclaimer: I do not own Legends]
1. Mick Rory

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Rory considered his room a safe place. Understandably, he was not happy when he found a sheet of paper decorated with the neat, uniform handwriting of Ava Sharp slipped under his door when he woke up one morning.

_Dear Mick,_

_ I personally see you as a hazard to your team and a weak link in the team's ability to work together but your captain argues that you are a valued and essential member of the Legends. Still, there can be improvements. I have interviewed several Legends, those who live on and off the Waverider, for their input on what rules should be established regarding your behavior on and off mission._

A low growl rumbled in the back of Rory's throat as he flipped the sheet over.

_Rules: Mick Rory (Heatwave)_

_No giving Zari pork. She does not care that you eat it but don't throw it at her. If you do not understand either of the previous statements, ask literally anyone for help._

_No Garmina. Not even in your imagination unless you're in your room._

_Do laundry on your specified day, not Ray's. They have a schedule for a reason._

_No bringing rats home. Keeping Axl was enough._

_No putting the rats in the refrigerator. Especially a closed refrigerator. They die because they can't breathe, not because they were starving and couldn't eat fast enough._

_Toilet paper goes over. You're the only one that thinks it should go under. Garmina doesn't count._

_Go to sleep at a reasonable hour._

_The TV is a shared appliance. The Waverider has a DVR set to record 2018's football games. Let others use it once in awhile. _

_No leaving your clothes on the floor for days after you take a shower. The bathroom is a shared space._

_No shattering beer bottles (Nate is a hemophiliac and likes to walk around with bare feet. You could kill him)._

_No throwing things at Nate to get him to steel up. He is not a mirror._

_No robbing parties on missions. You have no need for money and nowhere to put the things you take._

_No leaving traps in your room. Just ask people not to come in or leave a note._

_Clean up the kitchen when you leave. It looks like a tornado swept through it when you walk out._

_Zari, Ray, and Nate's comics are off limits. (They know when you take them because you always return them to the wrong person)._

_Washing your lucky socks does not wash out the luck. Wash your socks. Scratch that, get new ones._

_No drinking from 2 am-4pm. (This is very lenient. Please respect it)._

_Constantine's potions are magic, not alcohol. (I should not have to tell you this)._

_No challenging Charlie or Constantine to drinking games. No drinking games with them period. You are no lightweight but they are magical beings. They will always win._

_No playing with lighters or matches on the ship. I know you've gotten your pyromaniac urges under control but there is still a sprinkler system on board. Constantine has admitted to setting it off a few times but Sarah and Ray are convinced it's you and have tried to remove it. This is a safety hazard. _

_No cutting your toenails over the toilet. They never land in the toilet and everyone ends up stepping on them when they need to go._

_No quoting "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid."_

_No using your heat gun to light Ray's candles. It melts them and they're too small of a target._

_No asking your crewmates personal questions to clear your writer's block._

_Stop throwing away or removing the labels of other people's bathroom products, specifically the ones for women. Them being in your presence does not remove or insult your manliness/ masculinity. (You write romance books. If your teammates were to judge you, they would judge you on that)._

_If you must give people nicknames, insulting ones can only be temporary._

_No aiming your gun at people when you're mad. Even if you're not going to shoot, it scares them._

_Knock on closed doors always. Especially the bathroom._

_Clean your room at least twice a year. Ask someone to dust for you. And ask Ray to disinfect everything._

_Apologize._

_Brush at least once a day and floss at least every other day. This is far less than how much you're supposed to do, I am being lenient. Your breath is a weapon and not in a good way._

_Flush the toilet. Charlie once thought one of your dumps was alive. (Again, I shouldn't have to tell you this)._

_No writing in the bathroom. It is a shared space and you take too long._

_Toilet seat down (everyone agreed on this, even Constantine). _

_No leaving half eaten food in the kitchen._

_No talking with your mouth full._

_No making fun of Nate's hemophilia, Ava's past, or Constantine's accent. _

_Mumbling is never the correct answer to a question._

Rory snorted before chuckling lowly, eyes flickering over the list once more. "I know exactly who needs one of these."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Suggestions for Ray, Zari, Constantine, Charlie, Nate, Gary, Mona, the Legends as a whole, and Sarah are welcome.


	2. Ray Pamler

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Ray was going on his merry way, humming his favorite tune as he headed to the kitchen from the chore chart to do today's dishes, when he saw a note taped to his favorite bottle of dish soap.

_Haircut,_

_ Apparently recommendation lists are something we can do now so here's one for you. Don't worry, it's not just stuff _I_ find annoying._

"That's sweet," Ray said as he removed the letter from the bottle.

_Things Haircut Should Do and Not Do_

_No making sock puppets when doing laundry._

_Coffee is sacred. Don't ever switch the coffee to decaf._

_No taking pictures of us when we're not looking for your stupid team card games._

_No talking about your favorite kind of dish soap._

_Stop washing my sheets._

_We don't mind you doing our chores. Just don't tell Sarah every time you do._

_Daylight Savings time is not a holiday. We do not celebrate it._

_We do not participate in Daylight Savings time. We live in a time ship that usually docks outside of time._

_No calling Nate to back up your dumb ideas. He doesn't live here anymore._

_2000's children's TV show theme songs are not suitable to sing in the shower._

_Gideon won't tell you your singing is bad so I will. Your singing is bad. Stop singing for her. You'll kill her._

_Your scrapbooks are never allowed to leave your room unless they are in the trash._

_No programming Gideon to play music. You have terrible music choice._

_No one on the Waverider can have social media. Stop making us MySpace accounts. If you must, don't put personal information on there. The CCPD has camped out around my P.O. box. I've lost six Amazon packages this way. I now have one in another city._

_You're not allowed to walk up to someone and say "Can I try this on you? I want to see if it works. It probably won't but it never hurts to try."_

_No shouting "It's alive!" when the cheese on top of your pasta and/ or pizza starts bubbling._

_No saying "Soup's On" when we're not having soup._

_When you have a hangnail, don't ask everyone if they know how to remove it. You'll get the same answers every time._

_No need to explain how brain freezes happen every time we eat ice cream. We also do not need head warmers so stop trying to give them to us._

_Petitions are meaningless on the Waverider. We are not a democracy. Sarah is our dictator. _

_Stop writing in British English because Rip was British and we've got two Brits on board. Everyone else who has lived here has been American. We all find it annoying. _

_No making coffee in the lab._

_No cooking in the lab. Even I sort of paid attention during lab safety in high school. That's rule one._

_The Bunsen burner is not a hot pot._

_Stop wrapping Constantine and Nate's books in cling wrap. The Waverder is never going to flood. Even if it did, the books are on pretty high shelves_

_If the meds get disorganized, don't freak out. _

_When you burn off your eyebrows, just have Gideon simulate your hair growth until it grows back. Don't draw it back on with the white board markers. That dries them out and makes you look stupid_

_We know you write OCSI Star Wars fanfic. Log out of your Google Account on shared devices after you're done using them or at least close the tab. When it's open, we're all tempted to look at your Drive and read it and honestly it sucks. Don't publish it. Ever._

_No putting gnomes in Sarah's plants. They don't need guards._

_Writing is the perfected form of communication. Not emojis. Stop leaving " :p " on the white board._

_Stop hiding all the meat when I bring rats on board. They're not going to attack you in your sleep if they get a taste for it._

_Anything you say that starts with "here's a silly idea" or "I knew a guy who once" will be ignored._

_None of our technology affects climate change. Stop asking about it._

_Listening to "Panic! At the Disco" songs will in no way improve your friendship with Charlie. She exclusively enjoys rock, metal, and some forms of electronic. _

_Chess is not a sport._

_No using Zari's STEAM account._

_Stop asking for inspiration for your love letters._

Ray grinned and chuckled quietly as he finished reading the note. He folded it up into neat squares and tucked it into his back pocket as he began washing the dishes. "That was funny. I know who'll like one of these as much as me."


	3. Zari Tomaz

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Zari was dozing in the lab when she felt someone walk by. When she opened her eyes, she found a piece of paper beside her.

_Dear Zari,_

_ There's this joke going around. I like it. Your turn._

Zari blinked tiredly and stretched. "What?"

_Recommendations for Z_

_Clean up your crumbs._

_No getting cereal with more than 500 calories a cup (300 is normal)._

_Don't talk about Mick's books when others are around._

_No feeding the rats Mick brings home._

_No dismantling any weapons, especially Mick's gun._

_Pop tarts can't be the only thing you eat in a day._

_Clean your hair out of the shower drain. We know it's yours._

_You can't brag about your high scores in video games the rest of us have never played. Especially ones from the future that don't exist yet_

_Don't use future Pokemon battle mechanics as an excuse for losing._

_No sitting on the counters. _

_Sitting in a chair with your back against the seat and your legs against the back is bad for your posture and encourages Mick and Constantine to do it (it's not cute when they do it)._

_No taking apart the clocks. We live in a place where there is no night or day and we all already have terrible sleep schedule. Having clocks that have different times is confusing._

_Mick does not appreciate it when you swap out men's deodorant and shower products for women's products. Ray, Nate, and Constantine don't really mind but Mick does and blames them which usually involves some level of insulting and mild fighting._

_When it's movie night and we're picking movies, you're not allowed to spoil the end of a movie you don't want to see to get out of watching it. That's cheating._

_No eating in the lab._

_No hacking Gideon for any of the following reasons: to get better snacks, to turn off surveillance when you're helping Mick edit his books, avoid interruptions when you and Nate play video games, or anything of that nature. _

_Write your name on your eye drops. Ray does but can't tell if the ones without names are bottles he missed or yours._

_No cup of noodles. We are a top ramen family._

_Knock before entering the lab, library, and Mick's room._

_No writing fake chores on the chore board._

_No hacking personal devices. Mick uses a typewriter out of fear of this. He should not have to live with this fear nor should Ray have to live in fear of people reading his fanfiction. _

_Coats on the hangars. Not the floor. Mick's rats like to nest in them._

_Dirty dishes go in the sink. Dump anything on them into the trash._

_Please use coasters._

"Why are all mine food and video game related?" Zari murmured. She wasn't the only one with interests and hobbies. Constantine's weird magic stuff was way worse than all of the things listed here for crying out loud! "Someone is so getting it."


	4. John Constantine

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

John Constantine was… well, _busy_ when he heard Ava come onto the Waverider and slip a paper under Mick's door. He was aware of it but didn't pay any mind to it. He was doing his laundry when he heard Mick grumbling and once again paid no mind to it. He had been making tea when he found Ray holding his favorite bottle of dish soap, giggling, and had taken a moment to stare but it wasn't like that was something he had never seen before. When Zari cut back on the cereal, that was when he knew something was up.

Constantine was reviewing a book on magical creatures in the library when a breeze blew through the Waverider. Knowing it could only come from one source, he wasn't too surprised to have a letter fall into his lap.

_Dear John,_

_ You suck. Your turn._

"What the hell is this?" Constantine mumbled as he flipped the paper over.

_Rules for Magical Brits_

_Wear pants at all times._

_No collecting our hair for rituals. Ask for it instead of stealing hairbrushes, taking razors, sneaking into rooms to collect it from pillowcases, cutting it from our heads in our sleep, or pulling it out of the shower drain. That's weird._

_No contacting spirits in the middle of the night._

_Turn the fan on when you're doing magic in the library. Or anywhere that doesn't have good ventilation._

_Ray disinfects everything you bring into the Waverider. Warn him next time you bring something that activates with contact to liquid (like that weird vine thing that came out of that pot and tried to eat Sarah)._

_No using feng shui as an excuse for taking our stuff and losing it. _

_You are never allowed to cook. Ever. Except for Brittish food because you respect your own culture too much to experiment with it._

_No giving Sarah and Zari diva cups as presents to collect blood for your rituals._

_The Waverider isn't very big. We can all hear everything that's happening. We can hear it when you're talking to yourself. Stop. It's weird._

_When someone's in the shower, you can't open the curtain and tell them to get out because you want to use the hot water before it runs out._

_No shaving in the kitchen sink._

_Whipped cream is not the same as shaving cream._

_If you're going to use a women's razor, label it in some way. The packs we buy have three different colored razors. Sarah uses the pink razors, Zari uses the blue ones, Amaya used to use the green ones but she's not here anymore and Charlie doesn't need to shave so you can have them. Please, take them. Sharing razors with a man is gross._

_No smoking anywhere except the hangar. Not even your room. I know you're the one who set the smoke detector off, not Mick. The sprinklers ruined the playstation._

_I don't mess with your tea, I don't mess with your coffee. Never put tea where the coffee should be._

_No chewing ice cream. We all have sensitive teeth so we understand how cold it is but you don't need to curse it out._

_Put the lid back on the butter if you're going to leave it out. Mick's rats ate it and got sick last week. Ray found a bunch of tiny footprints in it and a dead rat in the sink on top of all the dishes. He was traumatized. _

_Use your own shower cap. _

_No using Ray's favorite dish soap in your rituals_

_Use the wooden spoons instead of Sarah's staff for stirring._

_Tell people before you start doing magic stuff. Sometimes even Gideon doesn't know why you randomly start spazzing out. We took you to the med bay and put you on all kinds of drugs once and a rock suddenly grew legs and started running around the Waverider but you were too drugged to do anything so we locked it in the supply room. It's still there. Check._

_No shoes in Ray's room. _

_If you accidentally throw away a fork or spoon, fish it out. We all do it. No one wants to dig through the trash for a fork that isn't theirs._

"I'm not that bad to live with," Constantine muttered. He paused. "Am I? Well, at least I'm not the worst one on the ship."

* * *

**Author's Note:** I started tying off some loose ends from other stories. I finished _The Ancient Tribes_ (Warriors cats story) and _Reunions_ (an Avengers Endgame fanfic). I'm also in the process of editing and publishing some Pokemon stories I wrote a long, long time ago. There is one up now called _Vines_. I also wrote a Naruto oneshot called _Dreaming is a Universal Language_ about Gaara. Check out any of those stories if you're interested!


	5. Charlie

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Charlie was sitting in the lab, blasting music, when she found a piece of paper that hadn't been there before.

_Dear Charlie,_

_ I'll be honest. I hate pretty much everything you do. Your turn._

"Well, that's rude," Charlie said as she flipped the paper over.

_Things Charlie Does That Are Annoying_

_No messing with mystic artifacts to get your powers back._

_Don't leave random notes that have no meaning. Canada isn't even a real place._

_No drinking with Mick without supervision. Unfortunately I do not count as supervision._

_Faking calls from Ava is not a good way to get Sarah to leave the ship._

_Ask me or Zari to help you when you decide to get a new piercing. Ray fainted the last time he found blood in the bathroom._

_When you need to talk to someone in another room, leave the room you're in and walk up to them. No need to yell. Especially at night or during hangover recovery._

_Allergy pills belong in the same cabinet as the ibuprofen, hydrocortisone, afterbite, and cough medicine. Stop putting it in the drawer with the scissors. That makes no sense. No one has any serious allergies but many of us have seasonal allergies and wake up unable to breathe well enough to fall back asleep. It's hard to find pills in the dark and we may end up taking the wrong ones if they're not in the right spot._

_Hands off the thermostat. Women are always complaining about the cold but you keep it fifteen degrees below what the rest of us have agreed upon. Please stop or I will ask Gideon to do something drastic._

_Use headphones. Some of us enjoy your music but no one does past the witching hour._

_Gideon is a respected member of the crew. Stop trying to reprogram her voice or the way she chooses to present herself on the rare occasions we can see her human form._

_The Waverider's speaker system cannot be used to play music._

_No drinking directly from the milk carton. No swigging it like liquor either. _

_Ask before drinking the good stuff._

_No putting posters in mutual living space._

_Drain the bath when you're done._

_No sleeping on the stairs in front of the war room where you can be tripped on._

_Jump ship keys belong on the hook by the globe. No moving them to inconvenient locations because it amuses you._

"I really don't know what to make of this," Charlie said, looking over the letter again, "but I know who could use one."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Charlie isn't easy to write.

I'm playing around with the idea with writing one of these for the Flash. Would you guys want to see that?

I've got a new story. Well, an old story. I wrote it in 2016 so it's not the best but check it out if you're interested. It's called Sycamore. It's a pokemon story about Professor Sycamore's Pokemon Journey.


	6. Nate Haywood

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Nate was sitting at his desk, flipping through stacks of paperwork and bored out of his mind, when he heard a time portal open up behind him and something fall onto the ground. He steeled up, expecting an attack, but turned to see a piece of paper lying on the ground.

_Nate,_

_ You suck. You don't live here anymore but it's your turn._

Nate glanced over his shoulder at his paperwork then out the window at anyone passing by before flipping the paper over and indulging in a little break from his Time Bureau work.

_Suggestions for Nate_

_Time Bros is stupid. Stop._

_Just because you didn't play sports as a kid doesn't mean you have to make up for it now._

_No making sneaking up on Mick while doing a Beebo impression. You don't live here. You don't have to clean up the mess so stop._

_When Ray asks you to play capture the flag, say no._

_No playing video games with Zari after 11. She can get very competitive and very loud._

_Stop giving everyone Peeps for their birthday. Ray and Zari are the only ones who like them. Zari leaves yellow sugar crumbs everywhere and Ray does bizarre things to them in the microwave. This includes, but is not limited to, blowing them up, taping toothpicks to them to make them spar, and making guillotines out of ice cubes and Constantine's pocket knives to cut their little heads off._

_Stop trying to get a team dog. You don't live here anymore. Ray does and he's allergic. _

_No using your powers to smash cans on your head. Mick can do it, Ray can't and he tries to do everything you do._

_Take your clothes home. I see Ray wearing them sometimes._

_No using your powers during weightlifting. That defeats the purpose and makes your friends look bad._

_No pizza parties._

_No softball._

_Get over Amaya._

_Constantine has no interest in video games. In fact, he hates them. He has banished Zari's 3DS, game cube, and two of her laptops to hell. Don't invite him to your weekly gaming session with Ray and Zari or your unplanned ones. _

_No imitating the saxophone song (the one that's like __DO DO DEE DO DO DO DOOOO DO DO DEE DO DO DO DEE DO DOO__, I couldn't find the name and I've already asked too many people) anytime Ava and Sarah disappear together._

"It's 'Careless Whisper,'" Nate muttered. He leaned back in his chair. "It's 'Careless Whisper!'"

An annoyingly bright smile suddenly appeared in his doorway. "What's 'Careless Whisper?'"

Nate looked up and started to wave the newcomer away but froze and grinned darkly. "Tag. You're it."

* * *

**Author's Note:** I once took a class where we were allowed to make a playlist that was played in class. After about a week, everyone just started putting meme songs on it. I'm pretty sure I wrote this back when I was taking that class. "Careless Whisper" played at least once a day and at first we would all just make eye contact and laugh awkwardly but at some point we got immune to hearing it. If you don't know, the chorus for "Careless Whisper" is usually played during sex or romantic scenes in vines and other memes. I think it played at the end of the Deadpool movie.

A Guest suggested I write a Day in the Life type of thing for the Legends. Is that something you guys would want to see? Legends is a good, light hearted series that I don't feel particularly pressured while writing about. It could be fun.

I've got this other idea that came out of no where. Essentially, Ava is the 'perfect' clone because the original Ava and Gary were twins and genetically modified so Ava got all the good traits from between the two of them and Gary got all the bad ones.

One is a fun idea, one is a more serious one. Might not write either. Or maybe both. Let me know what you think.


	7. Gary Green

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Even the ever cheerful Gary Green could have a rough one here or there. Today he had overslept, used soap instead of toothpaste, missed the bus, gotten his hand stuck in Mona's bike lock, tripped on the stairs leading up to the Time Bureau, gotten an earful for being late, and assigned five new assignments.

Needless to say, Gary sorely needed something to brighten up his day.

He was on his way to the bathroom when someone came running down the hall, barreling into him. The two fell to the ground but the oncomer was gone by the time he sat up.

"Sorry Gare!" a voice shouted, echoing in the hallway as the speaker retreated. "You're it though!"

"No problem," Gary said cheerfully, voice laced with confusion. As he sat up, he felt something slide off his chest and onto his lap. He picked up a piece of paper.

_Dear Gary,_

_ Told you. You're turn._

"What's my turn?" Gary said aloud, glancing around the room fearfully before flipping the paper over.

_General Suggestions for Gary_

_No smiling for more than fifteen minutes at a time without a good reason._

_Don't use the work phone to send memes._

_No talking about your nipple or lack of it._

_Leave the room when you have to giggle._

_Anything is a weapon in a true weapon master's hand does not apply to you. Pens are not weapons against anyone but you. Stop threatening people with them._

_No taking other people's tacos on Taco Monday._

_No getting souvenirs on secret Time Bros 2.0 missions. They're not so secret when a Mayan sword is lying on your desk._

_No bringing plants into the office._

_No hiding behind plants. Everyone can see you and it's weird._

_No waiting outside for someone you need to talk to. It's scary when you jump out at them._

_Stop flirting with Mona. She's not into you. And that goes for every man and woman who has ever been within a mile radius of you or a picture of you. (Yes, this is a recommendation to try online dating. No, I will not help you set up your profile.)_

_The office is only two stories high and you're not a field agent. You don't need to hide work out clothes in the building. If you must, get something that isn't neon. You're not going to be running at night, you don't need to take the precaution. People can see you without hot pink arm warmers over your highlighter yellow muscle shirt. In fact, that is a safety hazard. The brightness blinds them, making cars more likely to hit you._

_We don't need to high five after we finish making photo copies. It weaks the power of the high five when you do it after not so amazing things._

_I am not a mirror. I don't look at my reflection in your glasses, you can't ask me to steel up so you can see if you have kale in your teeth._

_Speaking of kale, stop trying to enforce it on everyone else. If we liked it, we would be eating it with how much the media hypes us up._

_No making after work clubs within the Time Bureau. No one will proudly admit that they play Pokemon, World of Warcraft, or League of Legends. We don't get paid enough to buy nice golf equipment. All of us read "Heatwaves: An Erotic Space Odessy" but we're all to professional to talk about it with our co-workers. Stop asking us to. Join a discord server if you need to talk about these things._

_No borrowing my highlighters without permission._

_No shoes on the office chairs._

Someone suddenly jumped out of a nearby door and landed next to him, causing Gary to scream in surprise. He flailed wildly, trying to get a hit on the figure but hands grabbed his wrists.

"Gary, chill," Nate soothed. "It's me."

"Oh." Gary chuckled awkwardly. "I knew that. I was just… testing you."

"Right… Testing me. Anyway," Nate said, "who should we get next?"

"What?"

Nate patted the letter in Gary's hand. "The list! It's been a joke going around between the Legends and the Time Bureau. Mick already got Ray so I needed help picking who to do next but I needed to get you in on it first. So who should we get?"

Gary grinned. "I know exactly who."

* * *

**Author's Note:** You guys seem to be liking the idea of another Legends story. Regarding the request for a day in the life, some people have asked for it so I'll probably write it. There is now a POLL on my profile for the next story I'll write. There are two Legends stories on it. If you want to see either of them or both of them, please go vote. There are other options on there that may or may not interest you. Vote by visiting my profile.

I got another request for a story involving Zari. I like getting requests but I appreciate if the requester leaves a name other than guest. Ideally, you would log in so I could PM you for story details. Guest who left the Zari request, please do either of these things and I will consider it.

Reminder to any writers out there: It is almost Preptober, the month of preparation before the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) writing challenge. I don't know if I'll be participating or not but I encourage you guys to sign up or take the challenge without competing.


	8. Mona

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

Mona loved her job and she was good at it. She really felt like she made a difference for the lives of the fugitives living in the Time Bureau.

After she neared the end of her rounds, Mona found a note in her cart beneath where the food had previously been.

_Dear Mona,_

_ You're great and we love you but some things need to change. You're turn._

Mona glanced at the last door. "Hey Nora?"

"What is it?" came the response from inside a force field surrounded cell.

"I got a letter."

"Well, read it."

_Recommendations for Mona_

_No putting fat free snacks in the snack cabinet._

_No putting stickers on the office whiteboard (we can't get them off)._

_Park your bike around the corner of the building where the bike rack is or in the motorcycle parking. It does not need it's own parking space._

_No giving the magical fugitives your coworkers' lunches._

_It's okay to take personal calls at work but not to switch between English and Mandirin on those calls. It makes everyone think your up to something because we don't know what you're saying. _

_It's okay to be vegetarian but do not try to convert your coworkers._

_Heatwaves: An Erotic Space Odessy is not a suitable read for the work place. _

_No leaving book suggestions on the whiteboard. They are so good that no one is getting any work done. We are all spending all our paychecks on books because all the copies at the library are checked out._

_You have a $200 limit on decorations for each of the prisoners. No making power points to convince Ava otherwise. She takes out her anger on the rest of us._

_The fugitives can't participate in workplace arguments. All of them voted to keep Casual Friday instead of switching to Spirit Days on Friday which totally offset the vote._

_Similarly, the fugitives cannot vote for the employee of the month._

_Staples can't be borrowed. You don't have to give them back when you're done._

_If you need a day off, take a day off. You work better rested._

_No need to come to work when you're sick. It shows commitment but everyone here is committed. If you show up sick, you will get others sick and they will continue showing up to work until everyone is sick._

_No need to train others on your job. Gary will cover you when you're gone and even he can follow written instructions._

_When you have questions, you don't need to ask Ava every single time. Ask a coworker._

_Ava is alright with you befriending the fugitives but not everyone agrees with that. Please do not try to convince people otherwise. It creates a lot of arguments._

"What is this?" Nora muttered. She looked at Mona. "Where did you get this?"

"It was just in my cart," Mona told her.

"Maybe it's- Gary! Stop that!"

Gary slunk out from behind the door frame, pulling Nate after him. Gary wore his usual over the top grin while Nate looked a bit nervous.

"Look," Nate said. "This is all just-"

"There's a prank going around!" Gary exclaimed. "Wanna help us get the Legends?"

* * *

**AN:** The previous chapters have been rules related to living with other people. Obviously, I've done that and I'm familiar with the characters so it's easy. Mona is harder because she's a newer character and these are related to the workplace. I currently work at a zoo. The Time Bureau is an office. They are not the same thing. The biggest workplace problems I've had are someone putting expired gatorade powder in gallon bottles (you know who you are) and someone (*cough*) eating instant noodles with sriracha, berry flavoring, and the same expired gatorade powder without water or cooking the noodles. Out of the break room, I've hit myself in the face with a pee covered wrestling mat a few times and having to deal with a pair of goats that like me way too much. So yeah, don't know a lot about offices.

Nora, unfortunately, does not get her own chapter. I think she's a great character but she's in prison and she can't really do anything there.

Reminder there is a poll and there are two Legends stories on there. You guys seem to want the Day in the Life so I'll probably write it but writing multichapter requests is hard so it might take awhile. Go vote for it if you want it.

It's October so I'm doing a Spooktober Writing Challenge. Right now, my most popular stories are Warriors and Legends but I had no idea how to write a Halloween story for those so it's Ben 10. Check it out if you're interested.


	9. Legends

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

"All Legends to the deck," Gideon said, voice echoing through the Waverider.

Mick, Ray, Zari, Constantine, and Charlie wandered out of their quarters to the deck where Gideon's holographic image was hovering over the computer.

Ray yawned. "Gideon. Sarah's not even here and it's the middle of the night."

"There is no night in the Temporal Zone."

"You know what I mean."

"You have received a message from the Time Bureau."

Ray perked up, tiredness forgotten. "Ooh! Maybe it's Nate. Or Nora!"

"It's probably just Sarah on Ava's caller thingamajig telling us she won't be back tonight," Mick grumbed. "I'm going back to bed."

Constantine grabbed his arm. "Watch it, laddie. May be important."

"It has been marked urgent," Gideon informed.

"Urgent doesn't actually mean anything to be Bearu. Everything's got protocol codes," Zaru pointed out.

"Indeed. It merely reads the following:"

_Dear Legends,_

_ Great prank but you guys are the worst. You're turn now._

"Prank?" Mick questioned. "There ain't been no pranking."

"Weren't you the one who started it?" Ray asked.

"Started what?"

"The list letter thing," Ray said.

"The rules list from last month? Nah, stupid Time Bureau director started that," Mick said.

"Bollocks," Charlie swore. "Probably should've kept it on the ship then."

"Wait, you passed the list thing along off ship?" Zari asked.

"Yeah. Gave one to Nate."

"Maybe Nate's getting us back then," Ray said. "Gideon?"

"Yes?"

"Read the list!"

_Legends Gotta Stop_

_Screwing things up for the better is not a good catch phrase or slogan._

_You don't need to coordinate your disguises to the stitch._

_You are not allowed to participate in Taco Monday or Casual Friday. You time travel, there are no days, and you ruin it for everyone else._

_Not everything can be fixed with duct tape, including but not limited to time travel tech._

_Change your color coding bathroom supplies to colors that make sense. (Ex: None of you should be pink, least of all Sarah)._

_Ray, please do not put crossword puzzles, mad libs, or word searches in the bathroom. That is a shared space and everyone will use them which is gross._

_John, leave Nate's books alone. There's enough room on the shelf for all of them._

_Charlie, no breaking other people's-_

"Geez, this list is terrible," Zari interrupted. "John, was mine this bad?"

"You were the one who wrote that?"

"I haven't read any of yours but I'm sure this is the worst one," Charlie said. "Who wrote this? Come on you, we know you're there."

A knock sounded from one of the flooring panels. Mick growled and pointed his heat gun but Zari put a hand on it, redirecting it, and helped Ray and Constantine lift it up, revealing four people crammed into a very small space under the floor.

"Nora! Nate!" Ray exclaimed.

"And Gary and Mona!" Gary called excitedly. "Um… Can you help us out? We've been stuck down here for like an hour and I didn't make a run to the little boy's room before we got here."

In the five by four space beneath the floor panel, Nate, Mona, Nora, and Gary sat, looking up with all limbs tangled in each other. Mick, Charlie, Zari, and Constantine all sighed before offering a hand to the four interlopers.

"What are you doing out of your cell?" Ray asked Nora.

"Nate wanted help with the prank," Nora said.

"I told you guys that draft sucked," Nate said. "Seriously, I would've been better off on my own. All three of you are way too nice."

"You're literally the biggest softie ever," Charlie said.

"I know, I know," Nate said. "But we have a chance to redeem ourselves. There's one Legend who isn't in on this yet, right?"

The Legends all exchanged a glance, a single thought silently being shared between them.

Zari smiled. "This is going to be fun."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Can you tell I didn't have any ideas? Promise the next one's good though.


	10. Sarah Lance

**Summary:** Series of related oneshots. Lists of things that the Legends have forbidden each other from doing. Based on early Season 4. Meant for comedic purposes. Inspired by _Forbidden_ by Mendeia

* * *

When Sarah used the Time Bureau tech to make a portal back to the Waverider, the last thing she expected was for the entire active team plus Mona, Gary, Nate, and Nora to be waiting on the deck for her.

Sarah's gaze swept over Ray, Mick, Constantine, Zari, and Charlie. "What's going on here?"

"Does it look like something's going on here?" Ray asked innocently.

"If I didn't know I wasn't doing anything wrong, I'd say it looks like you're trying to stage an intervention for me."

The group went silent for a moment.

Sarah sighed. "What are you doing and why are Gary, Nora, Mona, and Nate doing here? Wait, better question. What's Nora doing out of her cell?"

"Shoot, I forgot I was supposed to be there," Nora grumbled.

"It's a real surprise no one noticed that until now," Constantine said.

"How long has she been here?" Sarah asked.

"Like… four hours? Maybe five," Nate said.

"Why?" Sarah demanded. "Ava's going to kill you guys if she finds out that you guys let her out."

"We needed her for something," Ray said.

"What could possibly require all nine of you?" Sarah demanded.

The team went silent again.

Charlie grabbed the glass from Constantine's hand and threw it on the floor, shattering it into a thousand pieces. She threw her head back, thrill in her eyes, and screamed. "Scatter!"

Ray and Nate let out a battle cry and shot out of the room. Zari used her powers to blow Mona and Charlie in the opposite direction while Constantine and Nora used their magic to vanish. Mick shoved Gary and made a break for it, leaving Gary to Sarah's wrath.

Sarah grabbed Gary by the front of the shirt, making the man laugh nervously, and looked him dead in the eye with a cold stare that could turn a star to stone. "I'll only as one more time. What. Are. You. Up. To?"

"Uhh… Gideon?" Gary called. Gideon fired up and with Sarah momentarily distracted, Gary weaseled out of Sarah's grip and ran off.

Sarah made a frustrated sound as she watched Ray and Nate grab Gary and rush him to safety. "Gideon? You're in on this too?"

"Of course. Nothing happens on the Waverider without my knowing so," Gideon said. "Would you like to hear the message left for you?"

"Message? Fine. Play it."

_Dear Sarah,_

_ We have a confession. There has been a joke going around and we left you out! We're all in on it (except Ava though she technically started it) and now it's time for it to come to an end. Tag, you're it. You're turn._

"They've been pranking each other?" Sarah asked. She looked over her shoulder as if expecting something to come flying at her face but nothing came.

"More of a joke than a prank," Gideon told her. "Would you like to hear it?"

Sarah pinched her brow. "I'm going to regret this. Sure."

_Rules for Sarah_

_Tell us when Ava spends the night. There is nothing scarier than walking in on your boss in the bathroom._

_None of us need hand to hand combat training. We have powers. What we don't have is a training room._

_No getting Gideon's help when we gang up on you._

_Use code names once in awhile. Nate didn't even know you were called White Canary until Ray showed him that slideshow he made for Charlie to get to know us when she was a prisoner._

_If someone asks you to kill a spider, "man up and do it yourself" is not the correct answer. Those of us who are scared of spiders are ashamed of it and the rest of us pity them so we took a vote. You are the designated spider killer. It's your job to kill all spiders on the Waverider. (This extends to nats, mosquitos, and all other forms of bugs other than roaches. Ray is the only one who knows how to kill those permanently). _

_You're the only one in a relationship. Cool down the pda. We're all jealous and don't remember how to do the pda thing so we can't tell if what you're doing is weird or not._

_When you want to watch a movie with a hot actress on movie night, just say you want to watch a movie with a hot actress. Don't say you "really respect" some random lady's work. That makes Mick not want to watch it and we all miss out on watching the hot actress._

_Cursing in forigen languages (spefifically the one spoken in Nanda Parbat) is scary and makes us think you're plotting to kill us. Seriously, we form alliances and declare enemies after you get mad at us and do it. The first time it happened, Jax and Stein ended up on opposite alliances and they were so out of sync that they couldn't go Firestorm for a week, Shayera stabbed Snart with a fork, and Mick chipped a nail. That was three years ago and it is still a problem. Stop._

_Our diets do not affect our field performance. Stop trying to give us organic and non-GMO food. We like being unhealthy._

_We understand that you have to train but please don't practice stealth at night when all the lights are off. Ray has run into you three times and each time he's gotten so scared he needed one of us to comfort him._

_We know you like My Little Pony. We know you have several of them hidden in your quarters. If you're going to set up traps around something, put them around something less desirable. _

_Those little plastic trolls that grow grass on their heads scare all of us. Mick thinks they're creepy, Constantine thinks they will be possessed, Ray has a weird thing about dolls, Zari doesn't like them staring at her, and they remind Charlie of these little munchkins that once tried to eat her. Don't put them on top of the fridge. We all love the fridge and the trolls are an unwelcome third wheel when we profess our love to food. _

_Please do not send us on fake missions to get us out of your hair. It is humiliating._

_Out of the fourteen(?) people who have lived on the Waverider over the years, only six of them have gone to college. Four of them have not completed formal high school but are pretty smart in their own rights. We are not idiots but we do sometimes have a hard time understanding your orders when they are time puns. _

_It does not make you less of a woman when you can't open a pickle jar. It's a hit or a miss for all of us except Zari. She has never opened a pickle jar but that is only because she doesn't like them._

_Ramen can only be eaten in soup form, not cracker form. _

_Popsicles cannot be bitten. You are a monster._

_No cutting on the weekly family meeting. You make us go, you have to come too. _

_We do not need hidden weapons in every room. None of us know where they are and it scares us knowing that an invader could stumble upon them and use them against us._

_Safe combinations must be someone's birthday. We have a weapons safe for emergency weapons but none of us know the code. When Leo came by, we got him to break it open. He was so horrified by what he saw inside didn't talk to anyone for like four hours. We don't want this happening to guests again. What the hell is in there?_

As Sarah's eyes hit the bottom of the page, she saw everyone venture back into the Waverider nervously. She sighed and shot a deadpan smile at them. "Very funny. Do you guys really have secret wars on the Waverider?"

"Yes," all of the Legends said in unison.

* * *

**Author's Note:** And the story is done. This was fun, very relaxed and easy to write. A lot of people asked for the Day in the Life story. I want to write it but I haven't really found the motivation to write it. If you would like to be notified when it comes out, let me know via review and I will PM you if/ when I write it.


End file.
